Walking away

Personal Photo: I walked across the center of campus every single day while I was a student on campus. I paused to take this photo my freshman year, on my way to class. It is true. God is love. And we can depend on that love anywhere and anytime.

"We need to talk," she said to me, while I was on the phone with my brother. I was explaining to him how challenging it was for me to lose my friends, how impossible it seemed to remember that the top floor of my college dorm building held only a small percentage of the people that I could get to know, how confused I was that the people I had been forming relationships with for months now suddenly stopped hanging around me. I promised to call him back soon, and I waited for my freshman year roommate to break the ice on a topic I did not want to approach. She proceeded to tell me that she tried to tell our floormates not to block me on social media, that she was on my side, that she wanted me to be included again. I broke down, I told her I was hurt that I was so easily thrown out of the group, uninvited to everything we used to do together. She gave me a quick hug, wrapped up the talk she wanted to have, and left me in our room.

In a short minute or two, I heard voices outside my door. I settled my breathing and walked to the door, but stopped short of the doorknob when I heard my roommate's voice through the wood, talking about me. I leaned my forehead against the door and took a deep breath. As much as I wanted to open it up and have a voice of my own, to tell them all how I felt from my own perspective, I walked away. Time opened my eyes to see that my roommate had sabotaged all the friendships that I was so upset over, that she was never on my side, never defended me, and was actually behind most of the people who walked by me without acknowledging my existence.

As I sat down to write this article, I took a good bit of time to think about a moment in my life where I had felt set up, and I quickly found that I had too many to choose from. I picked this one, about my college roommate, because she taught me that even though I might not partake in hallway gossip, judgement of my peers, and the social norms, that I can still be excluded, left out, and ignored. While I could go on and on about my freshman year college experience, the truth is that it is one of many times that I felt as though my presence was unwelcome. Christmas parties, social events, workplaces, and more, and by those who should have been friends to me, I have often felt my kindness being abused and targeted. I think many of us have been uninvited, pushed from the inside to the outside, and made to feel like the joke of the party, all without understanding why. Beyond the splintering loneliness and frustration that can burn our hearts in these moments, there often comes a time when we have the chance to serve it back to those who dished it out to us. We can make a scene, throw a fit, point our fingers, and say our piece. But I want to talk about when we don't. I want to consider what it means for us to keep our mouths shut, to walk away, to set a boundary and not lower our standards just because someone else can't meet them.

What I am referring to is temptation. The devil gives us the chance to get back at those who hurt us, to get revenge or get even with people who abused our hearts and bruised our joy. And as tempting as it might be to partake, we are told in James 1:12 that "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." Revenge is not for children of God, and we are told here that the hardships and struggles we endure here on earth allow us to strengthen the muscles of faith, to practice depending on Christ and not our own flesh. Even though no one else might recognize the strength it takes to choose peace over revenge, God rewards us for demonstrating our restraint in the face of temptation. My point here is not to ignore the chance to stand up for yourself, but rather to avoid doing so at the expense of the person who made you feel the need to. When no one else in the room stands to defend you, and you are left with the chance to serve it right back and you don't, you are demonstrating faith in the midst of temptation.

Power under control is what it means to be meek. A word often misunderstood as weakness, being meek means that we do not abuse our own power, which directly relates to temptation. During the sermon on the mount, Jesus tells us "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" (Matthew 5:5) and in Psalm 37:11 we are told "But the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace." The Bible is referring to those who do not give into the temptation to put others below them, to serve revenge when given the chance. We are told here that we are not only recognized by God when we walk away from the devil's temptation, but that we are also rewarded for doing so. We are blessed when we strengthen our faith, we are at peace with ourselves when we listen to the Holy Spirit guiding us away from turmoil, and God delights in us when we turn to Him in moments of trial.

I mentioned earlier that when we walk away from the temptation of revenge, we are practicing faith. It is not up to us to serve justice to those we feel deserve it, but rather we practice faith because we demonstrate trusting that the Lord will better handle the situation than we would, and His justice is more righteous than ours could ever be. Romans 12:17-21 explains this to us, as it says "Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceable with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written 'Vengeance in mine, I will repay says the Lord.' To the contrary, 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." This reading from the Bible addresses the temptation we face to take justice into our own hands, but also reminds us that that role is specific to God. We can best represent the Lord and our faith in Him by choosing peace in the midst of chaos, kindness in the middle of corruption, and meekness in the storms of abuse.

We have all experienced the pain of loss, the frustration of abandonment, the sting of someone lashing out. When the time comes when we can repay the hurt we experienced back to the ones who gave it to us, we have the chance to stand firmly in our faith even though the devil works hard to tempt us. God recognizes our meekness, promises our reward for enacting it, and ensures justice will have its place on God's timeline. We become better people, better children of God when we walk away from the temptation of revenge. Our trials and pain could never outweigh the power and strength of God's love for us!