They hold no power

Personal photo: I love living near this little park! Most times it clears my head to get some fresh air and enjoy the sunshine!

I adjust the ballcap a bit lower on my face, to hide my reddening eyes, and I pick up the pace on my walk with Austin and my puppy, Jersey, so we can get home a little faster. Going on morning walks with my two besties has been a highlight of everyday and I get some fresh air, exercise, and time to think. Unfortunately, sometimes talking to my baby and my dog can feel a lot like talking to myself. And the day prior, I had some news come up to me from years before.

Since my husband and I started dating almost eight years ago, there have been particular folks that were less than supportive of our relationship. To be blunt, I was being bullied for awhile, for one reason or another, until Clay and I set some boundaries and have held true to those for our own wellbeing. It was a bit of a lost-at-sea time in my life; I was beginning college, learning who I was, beginning a new relationship, and I struggled with the lack of acceptance. I would like to say that over time, I got thicker skin and toughened up, but honestly, I didn't. My skin is no thicker today than it was eight years ago. But I got wiser in different ways. I tolerate less, I remove people who abuse their access to me, and I focus on positive areas of my life. However, even though all of this is true, when I got the news about what those bullies were saying about me around others, it stung a little more than I would have liked to admit.

While I was on my walk, I couldn't help but feel that helplessness come back over me. The lack of control over what people thought about me, said about me, assumed about me. I wondered aloud to Austin and Jersey about why it still hurts, when it holds no power over my life anymore? And acknowledging that it does still hurt made the tears spring to my eyes.

This feeling is universal, right? We have all experienced the harshness of someone else's tongue, the sting of unacceptance, the hurt of disapproval. We know what it feels like when you walk in a room and feel the things said about you before you came in, and it hangs in the room like heavy smoke, making it hard to see anything clearly and making everything that actually is said taste stale and hard to stomach. We all know what it looks like, what it sounds like, what it feels like, what it tastes like. It's bitter, isn't it? It's so bitter that it's hard to get the taste out of your mouth. How do you go forward? How do you handle it? How do you let go? I felt so moved by the emotion that I brought it here, to share with you all, to hopefully bring to you my companionship when you feel it next.

Once the hurt and the anger dissipate, we can remember John 15:18-19, which reads "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you." These verses remind us that the unfair criticism and raw unacceptance highlight us as chosen children of God, and that not belonging is a blessing, even though our flesh desires to fit in. Our joy for God, our caring about others, and our genuine kindness ignite jealousy in those of the world. The people who feel the need to throw rocks at others are simply displaying their own internal struggles with their own flesh, and we represent the mirror they feel they must condemn.

Remembering that Jesus loves us and chooses us helps take the sting out of not being chosen by our peers. However, the feeling of helplessness over the situation can feel suffocating. Not having any power over the things people say and think about us can make us feel weak or trapped. When we confront these emotions, we can remember 2 Timothy 1:7, which states "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." The truth is that ignoring those who say mean-spirited things about us, removing ourselves from the situation and/or removing them from our lives, setting firm boundaries, and remaining positive and kind in the face of negativity and meanness is not weak, but rather it is a demonstration of our strength. It makes the statement that we do not need their acceptance and approval, but only the acceptance and approval of God. It reminds those around us that they have no power over our emotions, but that we are called to be kind and to love. In this way, the exact things that might be judged as weakness or timidity are actually practices of strength. My mom always says "do not mistake my kindness for weakness" and it is important to remember here. We can be kind and still firm with our boundaries. We can forgive and still remember the reasons why we needed to forgive.

Let's talk about what might be the hardest part: Forgiveness. Forgiveness is necessary to be able to let go of the hurt and move forward. Leviticus 19:18 states "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord." Forgiveness looks different for everyone, but it is the critical difference-maker between growing from the experience and letting the hurt rot inside of your heart. When we approach how we might forgive those who have hurt us, we can remember that Jesus forgives us daily, and loves us through every mistake, every sinful thought, and every judgement we have made.

Being talked about negatively, being bullied, hearing the judgements thrown at you, and being excluded all hurt. But take heart! We are not chosen by the world, but chosen by God. We are not weak for being attacked, but strong because the attacks cannot break the Spirit within us. We are excluded by our peers because we are included in Jesus's circle. The next time we feel the suffocating sting of fresh judgement, we can remember that they hold no power over us, and we have the chance to turn to God and rely upon Him to embrace us and protect us!