Measure twice, cut once

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I grew up with two engineers in my family, my dad and oldest brother, Josh. Not only that, but I married Clay, who is also an engineer. We have all heard the 'measure twice, cut once' saying, reminding us to make sure we are accurate in our measurements before we go ahead and take the next step. We cannot uncut fabric, uncut wood, uncut anything else, but we can erase our pencil marks and correct it before we mess up. We often hear about this saying in reference to literal cutting, such as when dealing with materials, like paper, wood, and fabric. However, after this past week, I think we can always use a reminder that things we do not see behave in the same way.

When I was in fifth grade, I was partnered with someone on a group project. My partner did not ever seem to put in the same amount of effort as I did when it came to school. I remember exactly where I was sitting in the classroom when we were working on the project and I was talking to her about an idea for the assignment and who could do what on it when she turned, looked at me, and told me "You're bossy." I stopped talking immediately. It hurt my feelings. I can pinpoint this moment in my life when something shifted. When I considered that someone in life would associate this negative trait with me. It stuck with me and still today I know every detail about this experience. It took me a really long time to understand that I was not bossy. That I was actually very open to listening and letting other people contribute in their own ways. She only said it because she did not want to do the work for the project. It was her way of saying that she was not going to listen to me. To wrap up my example, I requested to do the project on my own with only three days before the deadline. My parents helped me print things out, stayed up late hours with me so I was not alone, and we got it done by the time it was due. My teacher ended up liking it so well that she kept it to show for future classes. It was satisfying, but I remember less about the project than I do about my partner's comment. I wanted to share this story because I truly believe we can all remember a moment in our lives like this. A time when someone said something to you that changed the way you viewed yourself.

I look back on this moment now and I consider the traits she did not mention, like hardworking, smart, kind, and others that I strive daily to live up to the meaning of. She mentioned 'bossy' and while already being a shy kid, it pretty much made me feel like my contributions in group projects were inadequate and I took a backseat in a lot of them until I made it to college. The second half of college was when I really began stepping outside of my comfort zone and embracing the way I viewed the world. I am so different than I was back then and I try my best to block out the noise of this world. And while often I try to handle it by removing myself from the people who make the most noise in my life, sometimes it comes unexpectantly and catches you off guard. This example is just one of many that I can think of where I felt like a sore thumb, sticking out and in a very unpleasant way, when I had not expected it. No one likes to feel this way, but I think we all have. And truthfully, the only reason we feel this way sometimes is because someone specifically says or does something to make you feel that way.

Scissors, knives, blades. They all cut, but our tongue is the most impactful and destructive weapon we all wield. James 3:6 tells us that "The tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell." It is a powerful and intense way to describe how our tongues can destroy. Our tongue can burn bridges, slice feelings, and tear up hearts. When we talk, our words can cause serious damage. Our spoken words cannot become unsaid, unheard, or unmeant. This truth is a heavy one, as it should be. Our words matter and despite the efforts of society to tell you that words do not matter, the reality is that what we say holds weight.

From many years of being on the receiving end of someone's snide comments, whenever I would respond and express the way it made me feel, I found that the comeback would usually go like this: "it was just a joke" or "you're too thin-skinned" or "you take everything too seriously, lighten up." While I understand that sometimes we miscommunicate what we mean and that people joke about things that I sometimes find to be serious, I learned that the casual "it was a joke" response was mostly used as a defense tactic to cover up any type of guilt and to shift it back onto me. It was not their fault they said something that was careless and rude, but it was somehow mine for taking their words to heart. I was taught growing up that the words I say can have an impact and that they can either cause a lot of damage or warm a lot of souls. The belief that people mean what they say made it hard to understand why someone would be so inconsiderate as to say something to offend someone else, on purpose.

Just like the girl I was partnered with for the group project, so many people in life will use their words as a way to gain leverage against you due to their own insecurities. I responded to her comment about me being bossy by being silent and then defending myself. She laughed like it was all a joke. It's just a joke. Yes, we all joke about things, but we cannot use this as a shield to behave in careless and mean ways. Psalm 34:13 states," Keep your tongue from evil And your lips from speaking deceit." Here we are directly told to refrain from letting ourselves devalue the words that we say. We can tell jokes, we can have fun, but we can also hurt people with what we say. We could be the reason someone looks at themselves differently, and not in a good way. Is this the impression we want to leave? I don't think so.

Most of us, if not all of us, can pinpoint a moment in our lives when we took a step back and considered that our personalities might be received as irritating in some way. It changed the way we behaved around others, and we carried it with us for a long time. Maybe we still carry it. It is such a sad thing that we expected the world to love us and instead they cut us down and made us think we are not good enough as we are. When this happens, it is because someone abused the weapon of the tongue. The power of words was not respected and therefore someone ended up getting hurt from it.

There are many other ways that our tongues can cause damage, like through emotional outbursts, intentionally swinging a low blow in a fight or conversation, and more, but I wanted to directly address the ones we do not expect. The ones that change the way we see ourselves and the way we interact with others. The ones that make us put filters in between our personalities and those we come into contact with for fear that we will be bullied again for the same thing. The ones that we believe because we find ourselves trying to make others accept us.

Measure twice, cut once. This is the title of the article because of the importance of what we say. We need to think twice about what we say before we take the next step. Just like how wood cannot be uncut, our words cannot be unsaid. The idea of "taking it back" is impossible once it has been said, and the things that we say can stick with people. Because of this, I find it so important to daily pray for guidance in our words. We have the ability, through Jesus Christ to depend on the Holy Spirit to guide our statements and interactions toward His light. And even though we often find ourselves about ready to say something, the Holy Spirit reminds us of the importance of what those words might mean, holding us back and allowing us to think and edit our statements before we speak.

When we use our tongues to actively say things that hold valuable meaning in our lives, like "I love you," "thank you," "God bless you" and so much more, we can hear our own words, just like others can. It is important that we hear words of joy and encouragement, even if we have to say them out loud to ourselves. We can listen to ourselves. We can listen to God when He speaks to us and tells us that He loves us. The Lord has made us exactly who we are supposed to be and even though someone will want to attack something about you, it does not mean that it is true, it does not mean that we should take the power of words casually, and it does not mean that we should change who we are to suit someone else. Matthew 10:20 says that "For it is not you who speaks, but it is the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you." In this way, we can be reminded that Jesus dwells in us and because of this, the Lord can use our tongues to spread His love. We can find joy and strength in others because we have rooted our own joy and strength in Jesus and want to share that with the world. Just as we took someone else's words to heart, we should consider what words we speak and how they might take the same path to another's heart.

Because we all can relate to moments when we stuck out due to someone's careless mouth, it can be an avenue of inspiration for us to be better than those who hurt us. We can say things that we truly mean, can consistently search for positive things to say, can remind others of their strengths. These are active ways to use our tongues to serve God. We can counteract the times when someone went out of their way to make us feel uncomfortable by going out of our way to be welcoming and kind to others. When we think twice about what we say, we are less likely to say something harmful and more likely to contribute thoughtful, engaging viewpoints. The Lord dwells in us, which is a powerful reminder that we do not need to be fully accepted by others here on earth, but we can hear the ways Jesus talks to us and to our neighbors through His guidance of our tongues. Jesus's love and direction can help us respect the power of our tongues and use as a way to make a joyful noise for our Savior.