Building bridges

Personal Photo: I took this photo on Clay and my first weekend trip. We went to Manistee, Michigan and we walked the Riverwalk. I remember being stopped during our walk on the water and the man told us that it was so nice to see some smiling faces. It has been six years since this trip, and I still remember the kind words the stranger told us. What we say matters, my friends!

I was part of a team-building exercise a few weeks ago for my job and we gathered the entire sales and marketing department together and listened to a presentation that evaluated our personalities in what is known as a DISC assessment. There are many different variants of this assessment, but ours was based upon birds, and the different characteristics within us that are more pronounced and which ones are less pronounced. During the presentation, the host made a comment about sarcasm. He noted that sarcasm is a slippery slope; he told us how easy it is for some light-hearted sarcasm towards someone to eventually create feelings of disdain and even hatred from the person who is on the receiving end. I found this interesting, yet not entirely shocking. What surprised me the most is how it was even talked about. So many times sarcasm, teasing, and mockery are not brought up, they are not discussed, and yet, it can have such a serious impact on a relationship.

Relationships with others can be a tricky concept, especially since relationships are so personal to the people engaged in that acquaintance, friendship, family, significant other, etc. However, one piece of relationships that consistently shapes what that connection looks like is what we say to each other. Without words, we have no relationship. In this way, we can already see how important words are in building a connection with others. The words we say, the way we say them, they all matter, and they matter much more than the way they are thrown around in today's society. Whether we are angry, sad, hurt, or careless, the impact of the words we say when we experience those emotions does not change. We still have the power to hurt or help the relationships we encounter and are part of every single day.

Words are building blocks, and there are only two ways those building blocks are used in a relationship. We are either building a wall, or we are building a bridge. We either help the relationship grow, and form stronger connections, stronger bonds of trust, or we are sealing off the ability to reach each other, protecting ourselves from the words of the other person. I am going to start with exploring the building of a wall because it is an important warning to each of us, as we are called to represent Christ's love in every single way. Words are heavy, they have the ability to shape the person we are talking to, to really have a lasting impact on someone else. James 3:5 tells us "So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!" Easily overlooked, but the damage that can be done by what we say can be staggering. This verse warns us to heed what comes out of our mouth, that it is important to consider the potential impact of the words we throw around. When something burns, it cannot just be undone, unsaid, and fixed. When a forest is set ablaze, all that remain are ashes, and only time and care can repair the damage. It is no different with how we interact with each other.

I mentioned above that our words can either build walls or build bridges. I use the concept of building a wall because my mom always put it this way; she expressed the ways that every time someone hurts you, every time you reach out and are met with unacceptance or a cold shoulder, it puts another brick in the wall. Eventually, when someone does it enough, the wall is too big, and their words cannot hurt anymore, for they are sealed off, and inside the wall, we are protected. As true and as necessary as it is sometimes for this wall to be built, it can be a serious challenge to take down the wall as time goes on, to open back up after so much damage has been done. This is the exact reason why we must consider everything we say, pay attention to the long lasting impact of the ways we interact with others. Proverbs 12:18 uses another analogy, one much harsher to describe the potential negative effect of careless or heated words: "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." The best part of this verse is that it not only warns us of the ways our words hurt, but it also reminds us of the lovely power of thoughtful words.

While what we say can definitely hurt, our words can also be a light in this world. When we feed our souls with the Word of the Lord, our own verbiage becomes more thoughtful, more considerate. Jeremiah 15:16 explains the awesome power of the Almighty Word: "Your words were found, and I ate them, and Your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by Your name, O Lord, God of hosts." When we listen to God's Word, we can therefore use our own vocabulary to build bridges, to help connect not only ourselves with our peers but our peers with the Holy Spirit. It begins with the Lord and what He tells us, how He communicates with us, and guides our communication to be representative of His light and grace. Colossians 3:16 reads "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." In this verse, we can see how when our words are guided by the Holy Spirit, we are able to bring glory to the Lord, and therefore build something that connects us with others, and connects the Lord with others.

When we interact with each other, we have the power to form strong bonds of trust, connect with people through the words we say, and lift others up. Proverbs 16:24 states "Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body." When our words are genuine, thoughtful, and caring, they can save someone's soul, lighten their days, leave a positive echo in their minds. It costs us nothing to speak with kindness, to be generous with our friendliness. With our words, we have the chance to change the world, one person at a time. There is enough sadness and hurt all around us, every single day. What we need more of is love, trust, and kindness. It stems from the ways we connect with others. If we use our words to build bridges, instead of putting bricks in the wall, we have the chance to bring more people to Christ, to grow together, and to bring glory to His name!